THE FRIENDS YOU NEED TO KEEP ON FACEBOOK
Sure, it’s fun to harp on frenemies. It’s really fun to clip the social deadweight. Facebook and social media probably do a better job at tearing people apart than bringing people together. But let’s remember that despite our technology, humans are still just a bunch of lonely apes, looking for someone to fling poo with. So let’s take a look at the Facebook friends you want to keep, if only for the laughs.
The Auteur
Your old buddy from the co-op is doing well for himself. His master’s thesis short film is making the rounds on the indie film fest circuit, and he’s just become friends with Jim Jarmusch. You might be jealous of his success, but he reminds you that the world isn’t just one big frat party, and that a love of art, perseverence—and a big dose of luck—can change the world. In short, he helps show you that the world doesn’t end at your cubicle wall.
Your Real Bestie
She’s been with you through the thickest thick and the slimmest thin. He’s known you at your worst. She risked her permanent record for you, and would follow you to the end of the earth, if just for the lulz. This is your real deal best friend, the kind that you’d never really acknowledge because your relationship goes beyond that. You, ironically, don’t even really keep in touch through Facebook because you already have 4 hour convos every other day. Don’t let your Facebook snobbery mess up a real good thing.
The Fam
Family seems like a very red state idea nowadays, but that’s bullshit. Make fun of your mom’s tech retardation, or your aunt’s compulsion to post 10-year-old cat jokes, they’ll be the only ones who will stand by your side when your bong hit pics cost you your internship. Deal with their inanity, because they deal with yours.
The Jester
Don’t think this list is all just touchy-feely stuff. Be sure to keep around your buddy in crime, the one who alone understands your love of Farscape, who posts the latest Star Trek porn parody, and gets your inside jokes about Thai food. He or she is always down to post inappropriate crap on your wall, to constantly engage in poke wars, and to share last night sexts.
