Image via Kissing Ryan
Ey this came out during Valentine’s Day but I was too busy YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. “That you were chaperoning your sister’s Valentine’s dance?” Yes.
Kissing Ryan uses a concept so old cave men would relate, but with cultural relevance so hot it’ll be covered in Vice Magazine. The app/website brings you that much closer to the sexiest dude in the world with nothing more than a badly ‘shopped image of Mr. Gosling and your web camera.
Took me awhile to get my head into the right position, but once I did, well, let’s just say I’ll have the best Valentine’s cards next year. Sorry sis you’ll have to find someone else to watch you and your friends.
Image via Keezy
I ain’t got any kinds of musical attributions. When God made me he was like, “I finna set Culturazzi’s blogging bonus to +10 but his music points to zero.”
That’s why I’m feelin’ Keezy, pronounced like “Yeezy” but with fewer accents on the insane rap star. It basically acts like a music producer’s control panel. You just boom boom cat into your phone while holding down one of the glowy buttons and Keezy will record it for looping. Go ahead and record up to eight sounds and you’ll be boppin’ like Deadmau5 in no time. Yea, I said boppin, what about it? My nana said it, and she was an incredible DJ.
Image via The New York Times
There’s a company now that will make a statue of your selfie. They scan your body using a Kinect, then another company prints you out.
This is weird but I’m telling you about this so you DON’T print yourself out. It’s only one step away from cloning. One day you print out a four-inch grainy version of you, next thing you know your exact duplicate shows up at your work, strangles you, then bangs your girlfriend and beats your high score on Galaga. THAT’S MY HIGH SCORE, CULTURAZZI 2!
Or not. Learn more here. You’ve been warned.
Image via Yeezy Bird
Flappy Bird is dead. Good riddance. I never hated my phone and thumb as much as when I played that game. But damn was that shit addictive.
Now there’s a bunch of knock offs. But like a real LV bag versus the one you bought out of that van, it just ain’t the same. My favorite fake Flappy is Yeezy Bird. Dat ish is just like Flappy Bird except it’s got Air Yeezys, instead of a dumb bird which makes sense because Yeezys, like a high score, are always just out of reach.
Image via CARVED
CARVED makes all-wood (that’s what she said) phone and tablet cases, made by hand (that’s what she said) in Indiana, out of custom designs (that’s what she said). You get hella amazing, unique designs, because you’re a damn unique sunflower according to your yoga instructor/life coach.
It’s actually pretty cool. I’m finna get the this anchor one because anchors are cool and it’ll go with my tatts. What? Yes, my tatts are temporary. Yes, they’re of unicorns and ponies. No, my mom won’t let me get a real tatt. Yes, I’m talking to myself.
Image via TIME
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, you sad, loveless schmuck. So let’s do what people do normally on this day: obsess about how lonely we are and compare ourselves to our peers.
There’s a new Facebook app that does just that! The app computes the median age of all your Facebook friends who say they’re in a relationship. Then it tells you the “ideal” age that you should be getting married. Or, if you prefer, the age when you can finally throw away all your sexy underwear and get that fourth cat. Nice.
I did it and my ideal marrying age is 59. I knew being friends with just my grandparents would pay off.
What’s your ideal marriage/cat-lady age?
Image via YouTube
Ahhhhh snap. Delta released their new safety video and it’s totes 80s-tastic. Did people say “totes” back then? Let me check my ancient history book. Nah, looks like they said insane shit like “radical” and “tubular”. WTF who writes like dat???? #amirite #lol80s #hashtaghashtag.
For reals tho this is clearly a challenge to Virgin’s safety video. And since that one was about dancing, and Delta’s was about the 80s, you know what that means? 40,000 foot dance battle. I imagine Delta will be busting out the headspins and the track suits and those weird bucket hats while Virgin will call up those robot dancers and Justin Timberlake.
In the end, we all win. #popnlock
Image via Google
Do this. Open your browser. Type in “A”. What’s the first thing that auto-populates? Type in “B”. Keep going.
It’s called “The Browser Game” and it’s seriously f-ckin with my head. It’s like you can boil down my entire existence to just a few key strokes. My Browser:
A- Amazon.com (I gots to have my wool socks)
B- B&H Photo (I gots to have my macro lenses)
C- Austin Craigslist (I gots to have my missed connections)
Apparently I’m an Austin hipster photographer with cold ass feet. Wait, damn that’s pretty accurate.
What’s your Browser Game results? Post them in the comments, homies.
Image via Colossal
Ey turn down that ratchet music and peep this mix this dude made with just a bicycle. Johnnyrandom made the entire music clip only from sounds from his bike. No drum kit or drum machine, all just hisses and clicks from his Schwinn. Sick.
I’m getting turnt off this. Get it? Turnt? I’m saying that because it’s cool street slang but also cuz you turn around in a bicycle. Ah, watta you know about edgy humor?
Catch “Bespoken” on iTunes.
Image via Quartz
The Simpsons are up on the internet now. FX says they’re making an app that’s going to have all 24 seasons of The Simpsons. That’s like hella Simpsons. Up ‘til now you couldn’t stream The Simpsons unless you went to some super shady streaming site hosted in the Ukraine. Ukrainian streaming sites are weird. How weird? Codfish dancing. That weird.
The only problem is that to use the FX Simpsons app, you need to be authenticated, and FX is only on 50% of TV providers. Totally worth it if you can get access to all that Simpsons. I’ve already ordered a special couch for my ass. Better luck next time, Ukraine.