Photo via Cool Hunting
Leave it to some edgy Russian programmers to create an anti-selfie app that doubles as terrifying commentary a la William Gibson. SLMMSK uses facial recognition software and a serious dose of Big Brother to transform selfies into something totally different. The app replaces your face with a variety of images — a smiley face (someone’s been watching ‘Ghost in the Shell’!) a black bar, or just good ol’ fashioned pixelation. You can then export the pic to the regular social networks, where I presume it will be picked up by the NSA, and you’ll be spirited from your bed in the dead of night for “reeducation”.
Image via Kickstarter
The internets been around for almost four years now and we’re still obsessed with cats. Now, because the internet likes to fold itself up like some crazy Italian cake, there’s going to be a Kickstarter for a book about the internet about cats. The project, called Catstarter is going to be a book made up of entries from notable eggheads like Alexis Madrigal, an editor of TheAtlantic.com, Kevin Nguyen, formerly of I Can Haz Cheezburger, and a bunch of poets and other unemployed people.
If I were asked to contribute to this (ahem hint hint) I’d first just spend the summer stroking my cat. Then I’d wonder aloud “why have I wasted my summer stroking this cat?” I’m a complicated person.
Donate to Catstarter today.
Image via iTunes
In the dance battle that is the video-gramming game, Instagram just pulled the equivalent of a double 1990 into a windmill into a flare into a MC pose. Hyperlapse let’s you take long videos on Instagram and then speed them up like one of those hilarious chase scenes you’d see in old time-y movies. Now you can take a video of something long and boring, say your kid’s dance recital, and then use Hyperlapse to make a 10 second clip of manic energy. Pure comedy gold.
I’m going to use Hyperlapse and video me making blog posts. That’s four hours of writing, and six hours of crying in the shower. Now THAT’S entertainment.
Loudie is a concert discovery app that uses your social data to show you cool upcoming shows to hit up, along with ones you missed because you were on the john. You can also use the app to get free tickets (my favorite kind!) and to invite your homies to shows. The best part is Loudie uses videos to display concerts, because words are soooo 18th Century. Scrolling through the app is just like scrolling along on Vine or Instagram, except with face-melting music acts instead of pictures of eggs benedict.
Loudie is awesome. Get it.
Image via Cool Material
Some historian did a photo series about what soldiers in the past used to carry with them into battle. It’s awesome. You got spears, axes, guns, swords, and cool ass uniforms. Also, everyone always had a spoon, because being a total badass in history made you hungry.
You know what’s in my pocket right now? A wallet (empty), a pen (doesn’t work), and my old ass iPhone that used to belong to my mom. Who am I going to conquer with that? Not that ladies, that’s for sure.
Image via Flickr
Hey, brah. Like, how about we kick back, blast some tunes, and catch some waves? Internet waves, my man, internet waves.
That’s how I imagine web surfing competitions like the one that happened in Rockaway in New York go down. The object is to surf from one website to another using nothing but your mouse. No back button, no search bar, no right click. It’s the way our grandfather’s surfed Geocities, broskis.
Think you got what it takes? Try it: surf from Facebook to Myspace with just your mouse. Wipe out, man.
Image via YouTube
How is the internet awesome? Let’s see:
1) Be Chris Pratt
2) Be hilarious and lovable
3) Be cast in an amazing Marvel movie and go on a crazy press tour
4) Go on the radio as part of said press tour
5) Be asked if you even rap, bro?
6) Melt the face off of the microphone with an amazing Eminem verse
7) Have that video go viral
8) Have Reddit see said video
9) Have Redditor REMIX IT INTO A MUSIC VIDEO
<3 you, Chris.
Image via Kickstarter
The best thing about living in the future is the past. Case in point, the new Aegis Defender game on Kickstarter. In the game, dudes in a post-apocalyptic world use advanced technology from a forgotten past to fight in a medieval world of magic.
Wait a sec. A game that looks like its from the past but is coming in the future is about technology from the future being used to fight in the present that looks like the past? This is some Marty McFly-style problems, yo.
Fund the game here.
Image via Cool Material
Ey so Reebok now makes bacon. Yeah. I’m not sure what to say. I mean I like bacon, but I feel that bacon comes with a certain, you know, lifestyle. One that requires sweatpants as formal clothing, not shaving, chilling on your couch, and playing the Destiny Beta a lot. Now if Reebok is making bacon does that mean bacon is a health thing?? I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Reebok made it for Crossfit, which after a lot of internet sleuthing I’ve discovered is a workout routine where you do push ups until you make Captain America cry. Sorry, Cap, maybe you should have been working on your push-ups instead of polishing your shield. BURN.
Image via Taxi
There’s a kind of tongue and cheek checklist out if you’re interested in owning your own “hipster bar.”
The checklist has everything you need to get real street cred with the people that matter: those who use Yelp to find places to take Uber to. You gotta make sure that your bar has a theme (preferably one that originated before 1945), that your bartenders are dressed like jerks, and that your prices start in the mid to high twenties. Hey, just like your bar theme!
Bars are cool, but they’re so, you know, 2014. Nowadays I do all of my drinking out on country porches in a rocking chair. Also I don’t drink anymore. The new thing is just to put the glass next to you and absorb the alcohol through osmosis. We call it “amoeba-ing.”